Digital media has long become an inseparable part of our children’s lives. It is in their pocket, in their room, at school, and sometimes even in their heart. Its impact on the emotional and social development of children and adolescents is so profound that it can be compared to the importance of public policy in areas such as vaccinations, seat belts, or smoking prevention. However, unlike those areas, here there is no single simple answer.
Research in Israel and around the world simultaneously points to potential for connection, belonging, and learning—and also to real reasons for concern. As parents, educators, and therapists, we are required to navigate a space in which the boundaries between benefit and risk are not always clear.
What is happening to our children online?
Social relationships are one of the central factors in mental health and quality of life. Already in the first year of life, the attachment pattern between infant and parent is formed, and later relationships with friends are built within educational settings. But today, alongside face-to-face encounters, children enter the digital world very early: Smartphones, online games, social networks.
The problem is that not everyone uses media in the same way. Not even children of the same age. The pace of change is so fast that we are witnessing gaps not only between generations, but even between siblings. There are children for whom the web opens up a world, and there are those who are left behind—both socially and emotionally.
In the clinic, a diverse and complex picture emerges: More and more parents describe a child who has “lots of friends,” but all the relationships take place online. They hear him talking, arguing, and sometimes even shouting during an online game. Some of the friends are in Israel and some are overseas, and the child himself experiences these connections as deep and meaningful friendships even when the meeting has never taken place face to face.
This phenomenon does not end in childhood. In adolescence as well, “friendships” are formed around games or shared content. At the same time, parents describe withdrawal: Giving up classes, sports, youth movements. Fewer meetings, more screen. And what about the children who do not connect to the web? They may find themselves excluded—from the digital world and from the social one as well.
Games and networks provide a powerful emotional experience: Competition, excitement, victory, frustration. But everything happens through a screen. At ages when children are supposed to acquire basic social skills—reading facial expressions, understanding nonverbal cues, developing empathy—they encounter avatars and imaginary characters.
Even if there is a human voice on the other end of the line, something of the deep social learning simply does not occur. It is a quiet loss, but a significant one.
So what do we do?
Technology is not the enemy. On the contrary. It has many strengths and a real ability to enrich lives. But it is a powerful tool, and children need an adult to mediate, balance, and set boundaries.
The solution is not disconnection, but living with media—and not only inside it. Classes, sports, youth movements, time in nature, culture, and free play—all of these are not “enrichment activities,” but infrastructure for healthy emotional and social development. Children first and foremost need real experiences and face-to-face relationships. Only afterward—critical learning of the digital world.
As with nutrition or physical activity, here too the key is balance.
5 Simple (and Challenging) Tips for Parents
- Set screen-free areas and times—to allow real family connection.
- Initiate social meetings—relationships are built through shared time, play, and conflict resolution.
- Encourage activities outside the home—classes, sports, and youth movements are not luxuries.
- Talk about the digital world—not only what is forbidden, but also why and how it is used.
- Be a personal example—children learn first and foremost from what we do, not from what we say.
Ultimately, our children deserve more than an illusion of connection. They deserve connection.
Dr. Dalia Alony is an educational psychologist, The Academic Center for Law and Business, Ramat Gan.