They say, “Two Jews, three opinions.” But one thing we can all agree about is that Jews love food. And we love a joke, so no surprise that there are many Jewish jokes around this topic.
This is one of my favorites: The afternoon was drawing to a close, and the guests were getting ready to leave.
“Before I go,” said Mrs. Levy to her hostess, “I must tell you how delicious your cookies were. In fact, I ate four.”
“You ate five,” she responded, “but who’s counting?”
Myra and Miriam sat on stools at the diner.
“I don’t know why we came here,” said Myra. “The food is always awful.”
“Yes,” agreed Miriam, “and the portions are so small!”
Some classic Jewish jokes about food
This reminds me of the old joke about the waiter in the Jewish restaurant who approaches two customers and says, “Was anything OK?”
Then there’s the one about Mendel eating at Minky’s Diner, where he orders his favorite matzah ball chicken soup from Steve, his regular waiter. As Steve is walking away, Mendel calls him back.
“Please taste this soup,” Mendel says.
“Why?” asks Steve. “What’s the matter? It’s the same soup as you always have.”
“Please taste the soup,” Mendel repeats.
“But there’s nothing wrong with your soup,” says Steve.
“For the third time, Steve, I ask you to please taste the soup,” says Mendel.
“All right then, if you insist,” says Steve, looking around the table. “But where’s the spoon?”
“Ah hah!” exclaims Mendel.
There seems to be no lack of Jewish psychiatrists, so no wonder they also enter into Jewish jokes. Menachem is talking to his psychiatrist. “I had a weird dream recently,” he says. “ I saw my mother, but then I noticed she had your face. I found this so worrying that I immediately awoke and couldn’t get back to sleep. I lay there thinking about it until it was time to get up and have breakfast. So I made myself some coffee and a slice of toast, and came straight here. Can you help me explain the meaning of my dream?” The psychiatrist keeps silent for some time, then says: “One slice of toast and coffee. You call that breakfast?”
Suzy and Paul came in early to their mother’s bedroom. They said, “Happy Mother’s Day. Please don’t get up. As our treat to you, we’ll make breakfast.” Their mother was delighted, especially as the aroma of fried eggs and salami was wafting in. But after 20 minutes, the children hadn’t returned, so she went downstairs to investigate. And there they were, sitting at the table finishing off their breakfast. And there was nothing in the frying pan. She said, “Nu? What happened to my breakfast?” “We already told you,” replied Suzy. “That was our surprise for Mother’s Day. We made our own breakfast this morning!”
Then there’s the funny story about two Jews who go to a kosher Chinese restaurant in New York, where the Chinese waiter greets them in Yiddish and takes their order in Yiddish.
On their way out, they tell the restaurant owner what a nice surprise it was for them to talk with the Chinese waiter in Yiddish. The owner responds, “Shh, don’t tell him. He thinks he’s learning English!”
And here’s the one I love the most. Little Isaac was so proud of himself for baking a birthday cake for his mother. Chocolate cake being her weakness, she devoured almost the entire thing. When she was finished, little Isaac happily explained: “I’m so glad you liked the cake I made you. I’m sorry – there should have been 32 candles on it, but they’d all gone when I took the cake out of the oven!”
So now it’s time for me to decide what I’ll have for lunch. Must keep up my strength, after all! ■
The writer is the author of 14 books. Her latest novel is Searching for Sarah. She can be contacted at dwaysman@gmail.com